Greetings, Internet peasants —

I used to think that the Internet was only for poor people who wanted to buy used designer shoes (ewww) but it turns out that this blogging thing is quite popular. I read a few and realized that it was time to step in. The problem with the Internet is that even stupid people are allowed to write blogs! Ugly people, too! There are no rules! So I decided that I needed to start a blog so that you Internet peasants could read the thoughts of an intelligent, sophisticated person. If you read my blog a lot and learn from me, you might become a better human being. Give it a try. You have nothing to lose . . . trust me.